“THE KLEZBIANS” STORIES

Written by Maxa Sawyer

Debby & Donna

Debby met Donna in 1981 at Every Woman’s Books feminist bookstore in Victoria, BC. Donna was a Protestant, upper middle class, WASPY woman. Debby was raised in a liberal Jewish home. Donna subtly raised her eyebrow to express her anger. Debby yelled and screamed when she was mad. Donna saw yelling and screaming as an assault. Debby found it nearly impossible to read Donna’s subtle emotional cues. 

Debby and Donna did not have much in common. Debby was political and Donna was the type of person who lived without a sense of politics. Donna could pick up any instrument and play it within minutes. Debby played rhythm guitar by plucking at the strings because it was the easiest instrument to play. Debbie was Donna’s groupie. 

Each week they lit the Shabbat candles together to celebrate making it through another work week. Donna was the one who reminded Debby to light the Hannukah candles. Debby did not care about candles; Donna cared. They did not have much in common but they loved each other. 

Donna mostly played string instruments. At 40 years old Donna started playing the accordion. Each year the couple attended Jewish, lesbian, feminist seders (1). During one seder Donna started playing her accordion while the group sang Di’yenu: it would have been enough. The other ladies asked Donna to bring them instruments so that they could play alongside her accordion. Eventually they had a band. They called themselves The Klezbians (2). The Klezbians was because of Donna.

Donna and Debby lived a life together that they could not have imagined to be possible. When they moved in with one another they never felt hostility from their neighbours. No one threw a brick through their window. They held hands in the street without being heckled. They were able to sleep in their parents’ homes in the same bed. Donna’s family was lovely to Debby. When Debby’s mother came there was no need to de-dyke the house, as long as the “L” word was never mentioned. 

Debby and Donna lived together for 24 years. When Donna became sick with ALS, The Klezbian’s weekly practices lifted Donna’s spirit. After Donna’s death Debby held a shiva (3) for the love of her life. At the last night of the shiva, The Kelzbians got together to play their instruments, sing, and send Donna off. The Government of Canada acknowledged their relationship by sending Debby a letter of condolences. This was an acknowledgement that Debby could not imagine. It would not have been a possibility 15 years before. While Debby never thought about lighting yartzheit candles (4) for her parents, Debby has lit a yartzheit candle for Donna every year.

(1) A ritual meal that retells the story of the Children of Israel being freed from Ancient Egypt during the Passover holiday
(2) An amalgamation of the words klezmer (a genre of Jewish music) and lesbian
(3) A period of seven days of formal mourning to mark a person’s death
(4) A candle burned to mark the anniversary of a parent or other close relative 

Lauren

Lauren grew up in a suburban neighbourhood in upstate New York amongst Irish and Italian Catholics. Her mother, Justine, was an activist: the model of an angry feminist. Justine was very involved in the synagogue. When a liberal rabbi was hired at their family’s synagogue, Justine saw the opportunity to fight for women to be counted in the synagogue’s minyan (1) and for women to have the honour of having an aliyah (2). She wanted her daughter Lauren to be given the honour at her bat mitzvah (3). It was important to Justine that Lauren would do something different. Lauren was going to change the world. 

Growing up, Lauren raised all sorts of hell at her synagogue. During her post bar mitzvah class she fiercely debated the rabbi. They engaged in long conversations and disagreed about everything. These fiery, intellectual conversations were in stark contrast with her perception of the congregation who sleepwalked through the meaningless services. She longed for a feminist type of spirituality that was separated from the patriarchal nature of religion. 

As a young adult Lauren went to a queer temple in San Francisco. She felt like she was coming together with like-minded black sheep who took a sense of ownership towards the services. When she was at graduate school in Santa Cruz she participated in services that took place in people’s living room. The intimate setting “de-zombified” the Judaism she experienced as a child. She felt a connection to her Jewish identity.      

Lauren married her partner Michelle on their 10 year anniversary in Victoria BC. They were still living in California at the time. They were supposed to be married by a priest and rabbi. Unfortunately, the rabbi they found was too unreliable to be able to depend on for their ceremony. Lauren tried to give the queer pastor some Jewish content to include in the wedding. The minister had littler exposure to Jewish culture and did not understand what it meant for half of the room to be Jewish. Lauren’s parents are still chiding Lauren for her “Jesus-y” wedding. 

When Lauren and Michelle decided to move to Victoria, BC they instantly found a lesbian community. Through the community they found out about the lesbian seders. The seders were somewhat exclusive because they were hosted in people’s houses in order to create an intimate, haymish (4) atmosphere. As luck would have it, there was a spot for Lauren and Michelle because at the same time they were moving from California to BC, another couple had moved from BC to California. Lauren exaggerated the size of her living room and offered to host the seders. The Klezbians were born at the fist seder Lauren and Michelle hosted. 

During COVID 19 Lauren became a member of Temple Emanu El so that the Klezbians could use the indoor space to rehearse (5). Her fellow bandmates pitched in to help her pay her membership fees. Until moving to Victoria, BC, the only synagogues Lauren felt comfortable in were gay or queer synagogues. When she attended High Holiday services she felt a sense of invisibility. As a person who worked in the non-profit world it was difficult for her to afford the price of tickets. If she was able to find a reform Temple that came from a queer perspective she often felt like the Jewish content was weak and was not reflective of the intellectual aspects of Judaism that she found significant. 

The Klezbians have allowed Lauren to gain access into the synagogue. She feels seen at the synagogue because it includes a queer perspective as demonstrated in their sermons, newsletters and fellow queer congregants. The Klezbians have been part of Temple EmanuEl’s pride parade float. The band has brought music, queer identity and synagogue together.

(1) A quorum of ten people traditionally male that allows Jews to say certain prayers
(2) Blessing the torah before and after a portion is read
(3) A ceremony to mark a Jewish person becoming an adult and responsible for their deeds Bat Mitzvah (f.) Bar Mitzvah (m.)
(4) Yiddish to denote something that’s simple, as if you are at your home
(5) They stopped rehearsing at the synagogue once COVID 19 restrictions required them to stop

Lisa

Lisa Weiner was born in October 24, 1950 in Houston, Texas to Canadian parents. She identifies as a gay female woman and as a cultural and biological Jew. Lisa was expected to live a Jewish life which included: going to religious school; visiting Israel as an adult; and attending Friday night dinner in pantyhose and a dress. She hated her family’s Jewish rituals and her family hated that she did not include the rituals in her own life.

Lisa’s relationship with her parents was always difficult. Her biological family saw her as weird. They could not understand how she could have no interest in a long term relationship or creating her own nuclear family. Lisa never fit the mould that her family had created. 

Until she went to Israel, Lisa was never excited about anything that had to be Jewish. In Israel she discovered the least Jewish, Jewish country. She found Jewish people without Jewish ritual. It was easy for her to blend with whomever. She saw short, dark, hairy men speaking loudly, men and women talking with their hands, and everyone was outgoing. Living in Israel made Lisa understand her Jewish bloodline.

After going to Israel, Lisa moved to San Francisco to live a gay life. In San Francisco Lisa experienced the level of acceptance that she craved: 

“You could be in a wheelchair, you could have two arms, three legs, you could be gay, you could be Catholic, you could be a prostitute, you could be a Rhodes Scholar, you could be anybody and some groups were intermingling, and you didn’t have to do that either. It was amazing. So that’s when I really knew okay I can concentrate on having a gay life.”    

Lisa found her community through music. In San Francisco she was part of a community band that consisted of 45 men and 3 women. Everyone was gay and, in part, that’s what made the band so much fun. Amongst her bandmates, Lisa held celebrity status because of her one woman drag show where she personified Rona LaRaunch. Lisa performed until most of the men she performed with became ill and died. The weight of the AIDS epidemic took away her energy to be funny.  

In her 60s Lisa moved to Victoria to retire alongside her Canadian family in BC. Retired and bored, Lisa took up the clarinet for the first time in years. At first she played clarinet in a community band with retired “straight old farts.” When it was suggested to her that she join the Klezbians Lisa thought that she was being told a good joke. Then two members of the community band told Lisa that the Klezbians were looking for a clarinet player and invited her to a rehearsal.

Lisa had heard of klezmer (1) music, knew the history of klezmer, but had never played it herself. She loves that klezmer music has roots in Eastern European, Arabic and Asian music. It is challenging music that is a lovely complement to gay, global music. It represents diversity and an absence of exclusivity. 

To Lisa’s delight, the band’s members are from diverse backgrounds: all of the members are women, some of them are Jewish, and some of them are lesbians. It is the kind of diversity that her parent’s generation would have never been able to imagine. It fits in with Lisa’s mission of living a radically inclusive life.

(1) Traditional Jewish music

Susan

Growing up in a small Jewish community in St Catherine’s, Ontario, Susan’s family members were “bad” Jews. They were assimilated and never went to synagogue. They were seen as not religious enough for the community. When Susan left home she felt disconnected from any formal Judaism. She has felt a disconnection from Judaism most of her adult life. 

Susan’s mom was raised in a more religious home. Every week she lit Shabbat candles. She never explained to her children what she was doing and they never asked about it. There was an ambivalence around their Judaism that Susan has regretfully passed down to her own children. If Susan could do it again she would have looked for places to find pride in her Judaism and passed that pride onto her children.   

While her mother was not surprised when her daughter came out as a lesbian, Susan was never asked about her romantic relationships with woman like she had been asked with men. Susan’s mother never met the woman with whom Susan had a significant relationship, never asked how this woman was, and when Susan was devastated after they broke up Susan’s mother did not support her grief. This feeling of being invisible carries onto her daily life. She often is assumed to be a straight person because of her appearance, her biological children and because she is single. 

Susan reconnected with her Judaism when she came out as a lesbian. At the Every Woman’s Books Collective she was invited to join the Jewish women’s feminist group. She was subsequently invited by the Jews she met at the feminist groups to attend Passover seders and Rosh Hashannah dinners. She slowly started celebrating holidays in people’s homes. She felt the weight of the work of being Jewish in a Christian world lifted from her shoulders. She started to feel like she wanted to explore more of the Jewish side of herself. 

One year Susan was a little drunk at the lesbian seder and started to play the accordion alongside Donna and Lauren on the flute. They started a band that was more enthusiastic and hardworking than talented. Over the years they have played at their friends’ weddings and fundraisers. They have given queer youth and young adults a space where they can dance to Jewish music. It has allowed her to dance and play the accordion to Jewish music in her home while the Klezbians celebrated Hannukah virtually. Susan has held onto a lot of feelings of being an outsider, the Klezbians have given Susan status in the community and a chosen family.